Healing by Giving: Family Honors Former Ball State Student’s Memory by Helping Others

‘Our son loved Ball State so much’

A sense of belonging. The opportunity to pursue a dream. These intangibles can elude even the most diligent and deserving among us.

Ethan Whitehead of Middlebury, Ind., found that sense of belonging and his path to pursue his dream at Ball State University. He wanted to become an architect with a focus on eco-sustainability, and he wanted to study at Ball State’s R. Wayne Estopinal College of Architecture and Planning (CAP). Not long after Ethan began classes through CAP’s five-year Architecture program, he passed away. On Nov. 11, 2021, the 20-year-old collapsed while in class in Ball State’s Architecture Building. He died as the result of an undiagnosed medical condition.

In response to the loss of Ethan, David Ferguson, dean of CAP, suspended classes at the college for a day. CAP leadership offered opportunities for CAP students to talk and to comfort one another as they coped with the loss of one of their own. Counseling services were made available for the college’s faculty, staff, and students.

“Seeing how our students rose to the occasion—how we came together as a community during the crisis, with the counseling, taking the time to talk to one another, and support one another—this was one of our college’s finest moments,” Dean Ferguson said. “We got this great expression of compassion from the students. And I was able to tell Ethan’s parents, Julie and Doug Whitehead, that we really care about what has happened to them and their family, and that people here valued Ethan as an individual. He wasn’t just a face in a sea of faces. He belonged to our CAP community and our Ball State community.”

Healing by Giving

Somewhere amid grief and heartache, the virtues of grace and kindness can emerge and be a salve to slightly soothe the palpable pain of loss. It was with such grace and kindness that the Whiteheads took a meaningful step to help others and pay tribute to Ethan. Julie and Doug established The Ball State University Foundation Fund in support of the Ethan Whitehead Guest Lecture in Sustainability. This fund was started in 2022 with a monetary donation from the Whiteheads.

The Whiteheads also contributed to an existing emergency fund for CAP students in need, using Ethan’s earnings accumulated from working over the course of two Summers. He was saving the money to help cover his college expenses.

The Whiteheads were not asked to donate to Ball State or CAP. Doug and Julie were moved to do so as a tribute to Ethan, an act of generosity, and an organic response to the kindness and compassion shown to them by Ball State—its leadership, faculty, staff, and students.

“This is a way for Ethan to still be able to touch lives,” Doug said.

“If we can take our pain and do something to improve the world in the name of someone that we miss, then we want to do that,” added Julie. “It helps us heal by giving this gift to the university. It’s the balm that coats the wound.”

The inaugural event of the Ethan Whitehead Guest Lecture in Sustainability series is scheduled for 5 p.m. on March 20 in Room 100 of the Architecture Building (AB 100), with a reception held in the adjacent art gallery beginning at 4 p.m. The guest lecturer is Dr. Billy Fleming. Dr. Fleming is the Wilks Family Director of the Ian L. McHarg Center in the Weitzman School of Design. He is also a senior fellow with Data for Progress, and co-director of the “Climate + Community Project.” The lecture is free and open to the public.

“Our son loved Ball State so much. Now, we know why,” Julie said. “This campus is a community, like a small town. Ball State has all the beautiful parts of small-town life. This community of people embraced us in our time of pain. It’s that small-town attitude that ‘Your kid matters here. You matter here.’”

His Sense of Belonging at Ball State

Ethan Whitehead was intelligent, creative, kind, and quirky. He struggled socially and emotionally through elementary school, middle school, and high school because of his quirkiness, according to Julie. While his teachers enjoyed his intellect, many of his peers did not understand him—and they treated him as if he were “less than” or would “never be enough.”

Despite those struggles, Ethan never stopped looking for a place beyond his home where he fit. Once he decided to become an architect, he was determined to attend Ball State—a university with which he was familiar and liked very much—and earn a spot in CAP’s Architecture program.

Being accepted into Ball State was a major milestone for Ethan. But he initially struggled to earn passing grades in several of his college courses. And he did not get accepted into CAP’s five-year Bachelor of Architecture program the first time he applied.

Ethan did not get discouraged. He wrote an email to Andrea Swartz, associate dean of CAP and a professor of Architecture, to express his intention to work hard to earn a spot in the architecture program: “I’m not an artist with pen and paper. But this is something I want,” he wrote. “I will do the work.”

“She responded to him in an email right away, and she said: ‘I really appreciate that you made the time to write and send me this email.’  That blew me away!” Julie explained.

Ethan followed the advice of a helpful academic counselor in CAP, worked hard, and successfully improved his grades. He successfully re-applied for CAP’s Architecture program in Spring 2021.

“He was so excited, and we were just really happy that he was being rewarded for working so hard,” Doug said. “After he got rejected the first time, he could’ve chosen to do something else, gone in a completely different direction. But he didn’t. He stayed focused, put in the hard work, and was rewarded for that. He had the courage to risk being rejected again. He well knew he could experience the disappointment of having someone say, once more, ‘No. You’re not good enough.’”

Ethan was a junior when he entered the Architecture program with that year’s sophomore cohort in Fall 2021. But that didn’t bother him, Julie said.

“Ethan Garner Whitehead belonged in CAP. He belonged at Ball State,” she added. “He found his place where he fit in. My prayers were answered.”

Ball State, CAP Embrace the Whiteheads

Julie and Doug initially felt the embrace and support of CAP and Ball State the day Ethan collapsed in class. After being notified by a campus official that he collapsed, the couple drove Ball State’s Muncie campus from Middlebury, an approximately 2 ½-hour commute. While enroute, they received a phone call from the ER doctor, who told them that Ethan had died.

Before the Whiteheads learned the official cause of death, Ball State’s campus police officials assured the Whiteheads that Ethan left his room in North Residence Hall and walked to the Architecture Building that day without incident.

Condolences came directly to the Whiteheads that day from some of the highest levels of university leadership at Ball State. Much of those discussions were parent-to-parent in nature, Julie explained, noting how much that meant to her and her husband. Also speaking as a fellow parent, Ball State President Geoffrey S. Mearns paid his respects in a heartfelt personal letter to the Whiteheads.

The Sunday after Ethan’s death, Julie, Doug, and a few of their family members drove down to campus to pick up Ethan’s belongings from his dorm room, and later from his work area at CAP’s architecture studio. At the dorm, a student brought some boxes for the Whiteheads to use to pack Ethan’s items. The student also said he would clean the room after they were done, so there’d be one less thing for them to deal with.

At the architecture work studio, the family was met by Dean Ferguson and his wife, Lisa; CAP Associate Dean Swartz; and Olon Dotson, chair of the Department of Architecture. The group offered their condolences and spent time talking to the Whiteheads—getting to know the family and learning more about Ethan.

“They gave up a huge chunk of their Sunday afternoon for us, and we appreciated that,” Julie said. “I remember Andrea [Swartz] bringing up the fact that Ethan sent that email to her, and she said how she admired him for that and what he wrote in that email. That’s when I started to realize why my son loved this place. These people who run this school were so kind and so loving that they were just as devastated as we were.”

At some point during the discussion, Julie mentioned her faith. She and her family are Christians. Dean Ferguson, himself a father and a Christian, said to Julie: “I just need to you know—since you brought up the fact that you’re a Christian—I need you to know that I prayed.” Recalling that memory brought Julie to tears.

“When you find out that someone was praying for your baby when you didn’t know that you were supposed to be praying for your baby, I mean, that to me as a Christian woman, a Christian mom,” Julie began, stopping briefly to regroup and dab her tear-soaked cheeks and eyes with a tissue. “This man talked to God about my baby. The dean of an architecture school is standing there begging God for my child’s life. I could never repay that.”

Ever since their first interaction, Dean Ferguson has maintained periodic contact with Doug and Julie to see how they were doing, to offer a sympathetic ear if they wanted to talk, and any compassionate support he could—all while giving the Whiteheads the time and space to grieve and work on healing their hearts. These interactions became the foundation for the friendship among the Whiteheads, Dean Ferguson, and his wife, Lisa.

“It was an instant connection between the Whiteheads and my wife and I,” Dean Ferguson explained. “I’m a parent. It was so profound. We bonded instantly. After that, I knew I wanted to be with them on this journey, whatever it looked like.”

The Things You Hold on to in a Time Like This

At Ethan’s funeral, the Whitehead Family felt the support of CAP and Ball State again. There was a red and white spray from CAP. Dean Ferguson and his wife, Lisa, and a few other CAP faculty—plus approximately 10 CAP students—attended.

“How beautiful was that!” Julie said. “The students told me about Ethan—that he was funny, and he kind of helped them keep going because they would sometimes get a bit discouraged. These are the things you hold on to in a time like this.”

Shortly after the funeral, Dean Ferguson reached out to Julie and Doug to learn how they were doing and to share that three of Ethan’s CAP classmates wanted to finish and present Ethan’s semester final architecture project he had started. The students understood they had to complete and present their final projects in addition to Ethan’s. Doug and Julie expressed gratitude for Dean Ferguson’s show of support and the students’ desire to complete Ethan’s project.

It was architecture student Alec Meister’s idea to finish Ethan’s project. Volunteering to work with Alec on this were fellow architecture students Josh Hoff and Emma Wynn.

“Ethan Whitehead was in my studio class,” Josh explained. “Whenever he’d come into class, he had this sense of joy; he’d fill everyone’s heart with that joy as well. He had persistence and a feeling of just wanting to be there every day.”

Though she did not know Ethan very well, Emma said she felt strongly about volunteering to finish his project: “In our Architecture program, we are a family. I was there, in the classroom when Ethan collapsed. It was hard for me to process. I felt that being involved in finishing his project would help me learn more about Ethan and honor him.”

For the final project, each student had to conceptualize and design a new use for an old storefront space. Ethan envisioned a micro-distillery in that space with some unique elements, including a “living wall” with live plants such as ivy. The student trio dived into Ethan’s notes and social media to get a glimpse of how Ethan viewed architecture, sustainability, and the world.

“In the end, we finished it for Ethan, doing it as we felt he would,” Alec explained. “We also added several elements to it, allowing the project to be a memorial to him as well.”

In December 2021, the Whiteheads attended the final project’s juried presentations at the Architecture Building at Ball State. Alec, Josh, and Emma presented Ethan’s project, which was well-received on its merits.

“It was obvious that Ethan made an impact on these students, and they cared about him to the point that, as future architects, they did this for Ethan and for his parents and family. They saw him. And it was just the most incredible gift!” Julie said. “I miss my baby so much. But it helps to know that he was with these people who did see him for who he was.”

And it helped Julie and Doug to know that when Ethan died, he was in a place where he felt he belonged.

“Ethan was with his classmates, in the College of Architecture and Planning, in the place that he loved more than any place in the world, working on his dream with other aspiring architects. It’s a huge comfort knowing that,” Julie explained.

“I could just see him being happy up to the second he died,” Doug added.